I’ve been thinking a lot about all the ways 2024 unfolded for me. While it’s been an extremely challenging twelve months on multiple levels, I am extremely grateful for the gifts that those challenges bestowed upon me. Helpful as they may have been for my evolution, I’m also very ready to bid adieu to the negative aspects of this past year. So much so that I don’t want to elaborate further. Moving on!

New Year’s Eve is here, and I can sense within myself an undercurrent of hope and optimism for 2025 that’s atypical from the existential dread that I’ve felt on this day in years past. The looming doom of inauguration day aside, I am so excited for this new year to start! I feel full of potential in a refreshingly new way. Maybe it’s because 2024 was full of so much hardship for me. I’m still in the thick of it in many ways, but the recent steps I’ve taken towards my own authenticity and truth have laid the foundation for growth in all areas of my life. Coming out (or, inviting in) was like a gear dropping into place that had been missing from my inner mechanisms. I had been unaware of both its existence and its power in aiding my ability to function to my full capacity. Now that it’s incorporated into my being and being oiled properly, it feels like everything in my life is beginning to come together fairly effortlessly.

The depression, helplessness, and frustration that I had been going through around the time of Thanksgiving felt like a new low point for me. At that time, I really didn’t know what I was going to do and couldn’t see a way forward. I felt out-of-control of my body and health issues. I had no idea how I was going to make money, and was increasingly discouraged with my job-seeking efforts. Plus, every time I applied for a position, I could feel a pit in my stomach as I projected being overworked and exploited for an inadequate salary. Every time I hit the “submit” button on an application, my heart and mind revolted as I thought to myself, “I just want to figure out how to be my own boss.” Well, I’m a big believer in divine intervention and timing. I have always known that some higher power is present in my life and wants to help me succeed. I think the difference now is that I’m actually open to receiving its messages and willing to take action in ways that I either couldn’t or wouldn’t in the past. 

In early December, at the point of feeling my most inadequate and hopeless, I had the idea to file for unemployment. This may seem like a no-brainer, but I honestly hadn’t thought of or considered it until then. Fortunately, I was approved to take advantage of this benefit and felt immediate relief to have a financial safety net beneath me. This small shift in circumstance ended up being the seed that I feel like I had been trying to plant for my entire adult life. A few days after filing, I received a packet in the mail from the Department of Labor. Among the materials was a pamphlet geared towards jobseekers which outlined the high-demand careers that are projected for the next decade. The one that immediately stood out to me was “Bookkeeping and Accounting Clerks.” It’s a bit unusual that I would be drawn towards this profession, since I have always hated math, but something about it seemed very worthy of pursuit. It’s like the Universe was listening (or maybe it was just the spyware on my phone), because that same day I encountered an opportunity to spend a week learning about bookkeeping basics. I decided to dive right in, and was pleasantly surprised to learn that anyone can learn to become a bookkeeper, and it doesn’t even matter if you’re terrible at math as long as you use the software formulas correctly! Plus, if you learn the ropes and work for yourself as your own business, you can make an excellent income while also having the flexibility of being your own boss. It was like fireworks went off in my head as I realized THIS IS IT!!! This is “the thing” I’ve been searching for that contains all of the elements I need to form my dream future! Everything about it is actionable and achievable as long as I put in the effort. It’s kind of hard to believe how clear and focused I feel about making this decision, but everything about it is giving me all green flags. I’m so excited!

The other major piece of my reality that has been a constant source of depression and defeat is my body dysphoria. I have really been struggling with how I look, especially concerning my breast tissue. The dysphoria just seems to grow exponentially, and gets more difficult to deal with. My desire to undergo top surgery has been ever-present since I first understood myself as transgender. Right around the same time as discovering the bookkeeping, I decided to talk with my wife about setting up a surgical consult. I expressed to her how this feels like another huge area of my life where making this change will inevitably help me across the board. It really didn’t take any convincing for her, and she agreed that we should take the next step. Many months ago, I had already found my ideal surgeon who is WPATH trained and specializes in gender-affirmation surgery. Two weeks ago, I was able to set up a virtual consultation with her and couldn’t be more pleased with her knowledge, expertise, artistic talent, and personality. She talked me through all of the surgical details, and also informed me that she thinks I’m an excellent candidate who will experience great results from a double-incision mastectomy with torso masculinization. Once the call ended, there was no doubt in my mind that this is what I want, and she’s the one to do it. I contacted the office and asked to be placed on the surgery schedule. March 18th is the day!!! 

Starting off the new year with the energy of building my own business and having my surgery scheduled are visions I’ve had of my future that are beginning to come true – all because I’m finally willing to take the necessary leaps without fear, and in total trust of myself. For the first time in a very long while I feel calm, unworried, motivated, and powerful. It’s as if my internal compass has stopped spinning out of control and is now pointed in the direction that will lead me towards success in health and wealth. 

The final New Moon of 2024 occurred yesterday evening and seemed especially appropriate for setting intentions to manifest these changes in my life. I spent some time writing down aspects of this past year that I want to release and leave behind, in addition to all of the things I want to embrace and accomplish moving forward. A few minutes before 5:26pm EST, I headed outside with that piece of paper and a lighter. The bitter cold snap of the previous few weeks had lifted, and a downpour of rain earlier in the day had cleared away most of the snow that had accumulated. It was only 36 degrees out, but the temperature felt balmy in comparison to just a few days ago. I could smell the earth again as I felt beads of moisture from the air attach themselves to my eyelashes and arm hair. Looking up, I expected heavy cloud coverage, and was happy to instead find stars peeking through the bare tree branches overhead. I noticed a sense of mysticism in the air as I read through my list of intentions and proceeded to light the paper on fire. The flames singed through my words, turning them into glowing ashes that I watched lift up into the breeze around me. As they extinguished into the darkness one by one, I looked up at the stars again and affirmed to the Universe out loud, “I’m ready, and I’m paying attention.”