First things first, I had my court date with the probate judge yesterday morning, and I am now officially Vinnie! Once I receive the name change documents in the mail I can begin the process of getting a new social security card, driver’s license, passport, etc. This part of my journey feels really exciting and also a bit surreal! All of the changes happening in my life are so drastic and transformative in ways that are sometimes hard to believe. There are moments where I step back and observe what I’m doing and think to myself, “holy shit, this is huge!” But even in those times, I never feel like I’m on the wrong path or making the wrong decisions for myself. It’s a pretty incredible experience to witness my evolution in this way.

As of the time of writing this, I’ve been on testosterone for a little over seven weeks. This is a relatively short span of time, but I’m already feeling and noticing some very noteworthy changes. The most obvious and distinguishable is the tone of my voice. I had already been able to perceive it dropping even when it was only a slight change, but when I first began mentioning this to my wife and family, they all said they didn’t yet hear a difference. I think the reason I was able to perceive it is because I was physically feeling my voice coming from a deeper area of my chest – it was more a sensation of the vibration than a sound. A couple more weeks went by and then a few days after my 6th injection it was almost like my voice had dropped overnight. My wife and I were both fairly surprised at how low it suddenly sounded! As with most other aspects of my transition so far, my voice change feels simultaneously unfamiliar and affirming. I now recall that every time I got sick from childhood through adulthood, I always liked how raspy I sounded. I never realized until now how that was linked to my gender dysphoria.

As a person who is postmenopausal, I had already been growing a few stray chin hairs here and there for the past few years. Now that I’m on T, I’ve spotted more of them cropping up in areas around my chin and the corners of my mouth. Really, they’re all just stragglers, not amounting to anything even close to a five-o’clock shadow, so for now I’ve just been plucking them. When I look really closely at my face, I can tell that my peach fuzz seems to be getting a bit thicker and longer, especially near my sideburn area. Granted, this hair is a mixture of very light blonde, gray, and white, so it’s kind of hard to discern! Honestly, I’m okay with my facial hair taking its time to come in. I feel like this is the physical change that will be the least easy to get used to. I think I’m going to end up going back and forth between keeping my face shaved and allowing my stubble to grow a bit, but who knows how I’ll feel once it really starts to come in fully.

I really wish this weren’t the case, but I’ve definitely entered the second-puberty phase and am having acne crop up on my face, scalp, chest, and back. So far, it’s been somewhat mild, thankfully. I’m hoping it stays that way. I dealt with pretty bad acne all through my teen years and right up through my twenties and thirties. It feels like my face has only been cleared up since my late thirties, so it’s a little depressing to see pimples appearing regularly. At the same time, I know this phase won’t last forever and I’ll eventually outgrow it…again.

There are two AMAZINGLY beneficial changes to my physiology that I am so grateful for! The first is that my hot flashes have drastically subsided in both frequency and intensity! With my hormones being so depleted and out of whack from my lack of ovarian function, I started experiencing hot flashes during the summer of 2021, and they steadily continued to get worse since that time. This past year especially, I was having them constantly. They happened about every 15 to 30 minutes at all times of the day and night. I would feel like I was igniting from the inside and would immediately turn red as a beet and break out into profuse sweating, with drips running down my chest and back. During the day, this would interrupt any activity that I was in the middle of. I would have to stop whatever I was doing and just focus on trying to cool myself down – it felt impossible for me to concentrate on anything else while this was happening. At night, my sleep was constantly getting broken up, and I would find myself soaking through the sheets. The hot flashes occurred with this aggressiveness for at least a year, possibly longer. It was absolutely miserable, uncomfortable, and really embarrassing when they happened at work or in public. Now, it has been a few weeks since I’ve experienced them in those ways. I still have one here and there, but they are nowhere near as disruptive and unmanageable! I just get a little too warm, but I don’t sweat through my clothes or feel like I can’t otherwise function until it passes. This is a HUGE positive change for me!

Now here’s where things get a little uncomfortable for me to talk about. But I’m just going to lean into it because I feel like what I’m about to share could be very helpful for both transgender and cisgender AFAB people. I’ll start with a content warning – what follows is tame, but honest and vulnerable. If you are a friend or family member who knows me personally and doesn’t want to hear about my sex life, feel free to stop reading here. Otherwise, carry on! 

So here we go. The second AMAZINGLY beneficial change that I’ve experienced is the triumphant return of my libido and sexual function! *cheering!* My lack of adequate hormones not only induced the severe hot flashes, but it also greatly affected my sex drive and ability to feel pleasure. This happened gradually over the course of a few years, so in a way it was kind of hard to even notice that it was occuring. At the point where I was at right before starting T, my ability to experience arousal had significantly diminished. This had nothing to do with marital issues or a lack of interest in my wife, and everything to do with the drop of estrogen in my system. My dysfunction had also progressed to the point where I could hardly feel any sensation, and I found it extremely challenging if not impossible to achieve “the big O.” This is due to decreased blood flow to the area. I knew I needed to balance out my hormones and started researching my options for HRT. This is how I discovered that some cisgender women actually get prescribed micro-doses of testosterone as a way to treat these symptoms during and after menopause. I had already been feeling very wary about potentially having to go on estrogen. Not only did that not align with my gender identity, but there has also been breast cancer in my family and I was aware of the increased risk I would be taking if I were to reintroduce it into my system. When I learned that T was a potential treatment, I was surprised but also immediately knew that this was what I wanted. Being able to experience the positive effects of T after only seven weeks has been a game changer for me! My libido is already back to normal. I’ve already noticed some bottom growth which has provided some increased surface area. Between that and having adequate blood flow again, “the big O” is easily achievable and more intense than I’ve ever experienced in the past. Talk about a win!

By the way, the decreased blood flow happens to men as well – that’s why the pharmaceutical companies developed Viagra. There aren’t many treatments available for women going through these issues, but low-dose T is actually a more common practice than you may think. Still, even in micro-doses, it isn’t for everyone. There are some medical conditions that contraindicate its use. But if you’re a cisgender woman who is going through sexual difficulties, it can’t hurt to talk with your doctor about the potential of using this as a treatment. To learn more about this you can check out this link: https://www.healthline.com/health/low-dose-testosterone-for-females

If you’re curious about the changes that T induces, especially for folx who are transitioning FTM, you can read more about that here: https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en/second-puberty-masc